I feel like I'm rocking back and forth through an ocean.
Last night was wonderful and sad. It was too much and too little at the same time.
I was waiting for so long and I was let down...
again.
and that's okay with me because I knew it would happen.
I oggle, and I lose out.
I wish, and I fall short.
And I know all to well how perfectly perfect I would feel if I just let myself go. If I could give up or take the plunge.
Basically, if I could make a decision instead of living in limbo (and i was never very good at limbo).
But, oh well, a lovely person is coming back to me today. A lovely girl I have missed so very long.
And I am counting down the seconds until I'm celebrating my own personal victory. I almost didn't think I'd make it this far.
And I saw someone so unbelievably beautiful and sincere and honest and kind last night. That memory of them smiling at me with their eyes sparkling has a shelf life long enough.
Long enough for what? I don't know.
But it'll have to be long enough for me.
For me and my crazy mood swings. And my crazy roller coaster rides. And my unfortunate reactions. And my disgraceful lack.
For the ocean I'm living in and have lived in for far too long.
And I miss him already.